Changes

Start of a new day. A new mindset.

Typically when I get my heart broken, my life is ruined for about a month. But the last time this happened, I was 18.

I'm a 21 year old woman now. I don't need this kind of drama in my life when I have other things to live for. I have God to live for. I have me to live for. I have people who actually give at all to live for.

Yesterday I got back to my apartment, and forced myself to cry for hours and hours until there was nothing left to release. I confronted the problem for a while and thought about it for a long time. I'm still thinking about it. But what is the use in telling someone who doesn't care just how hurt you are? Someone angered by my hurt is not someone worth misering over.

In the end, I've learned that I'm not the victim unless I make myself the victim. If I stop caring and if I forget what happened, then I am just another college girl who engaged in some wrong summer fling instead of a victim of a pseudo-player's heart break.

To be strong for real and make this a turning point in the story of my transformation into a woman, I will have to deny him. If he comes back to me later apologizing, I will have to resist and not take him back. In the past, I've done this, but this time I promise myself, it's over. There is not enough time to care so much about one man or live my life based on someone else's. If things go wrong, I won't beg anymore. I won't be pathetic.

It'll be hard but I'm going to make it happen because I refuse to be a girl, a tally in someone's mental book of conquests and sorry women. I'm finally going to have control.

Aand..Cheers to that, mate.